I love D. Wife and I would do almost anything for her. I say almost because I draw the line at murder and a Devil’s Three-way.
That being said…
Last weekend D. Wife took me out to dinner. Or did I take her out…? We’ve been married awhile so it’s hard to tell sometimes. I think she took me out because it was her idea, she made the reservation and she paid. (But I drove!)
For those of you that don’t know, D. Wife is a chef and self-described foodie. She has even described me as having the pallet and eating habits of a five year old.
I do loves me some Chips Ahoy cookies and Goldfish crackers!
Back to the dinner…
D. Wife had been looking forward to this dinner for months. I was ambivalent - just going to be going. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? It’s not like everything will have cilantro in it, right? And I had never been to Lummi Island before.
Well here is what the dinner had in store for this three year old. (With my critique).
Smoked reefnet Sockeye salmon
- I don’t like fish and consider salmon the worst of the worst. Thumbs Down!
Salmon roe roll
- What’s worse than salmon? Things that come out of salmon. Bleeck!!!
Butter clam and geoduck with cucumber, potato and frozen horseradish ”snow”
- The calvalcade of fish continued to this third plate with the introduction of seafood. I would say that the potato was good – except that it had the taste of clams. The grated and frozen horseradish looking like snow was cool though. But overall, the bread left on the table and the hand churned butter were more to my liking.
Potato chip with homemade sauerkraut and black cod
- Um… Yeah. More fish and a unique way to ruin a perfectly good potato chip. Time for more bread to get the taste out of my mouth.
Farm Basket with herb emulsion
- Since I enjoy the occasional salad, this farm basket seemed like a welcome relief to all the fish. However, it consisted mostly of “wild greens”. Or as I call them, dandelions. Boo on the farm basket. Thank God there is more bread.
Kale toast with black truffle puree and rye crumble
- I also have a dislike for kale (very similar to dandelions) and I found the truffels to be overpowering. The only thing good about this dish was that it was so delicate, half of it broke off and fell on the floor. Whoops…
Pickled oysters with garden sorrel
- Only two things were good about this plate. 1. The presentation of the oysters on a frozen bed of river rock was cool (figuratively and literally) 2. It marked the end of the snacks.
Phew- 1st half of dinner was over and I was able to keep it all down. Now on to the..
Organic grains (emmer, barley, farro and spelt) with pickled mushrooms
- Not much to say about this plate. Once I choked down the mushrooms the grains weren’t so bad.
Squid with kohlrabi and seaweed in an oyster emulsion
- I mentioned that I don’t like fish, right? Well this dish actually frightened me. I thought there was no way I could possibly eat it. I’ve had squid before, but never like this. Instead of a few small rings of squid, it was the whole squid. Tentacles included. And worst of all, it was hidden under the seaweed. Once I cleared the seaweed away, the squid seemed to jump out at me. Worst plate of the night!!! It was one of those “plug your nose and swallow” affairs.
Oh, and I discovered that seaweed is the dandelion of the sea.
White anchovies with pickled Elderberries in a brown butter sauce
- Another surprise. A full anchovy. Head, tail, eyes and I don’t want to know what else. Why would anyone eat this? It’s seal food. But choke it down I did…
Farm hen’s egg with summer vegetables with a lemon verbena sauce
- Another plate of dandelions with a soft boiled egg yoke in the middle. That’s right, a yoke not an egg. Another plate fail. And more bread and butter to wash it down.
Slow roasted pork shoulder with grilled onions
- This was the interesting dish. The only dish I had a chance of liking and, while it was OK, it wasn’t as good as I was expecting from such a “fancy” restaurant.
A single Cape Gooseberry.
- This was an intriguing fruit. I actually enjoyed it. If only it were bigger then the size of a grape. I could have used a bowl of them to go with the bread and butter.
Green apples with buttermilk and licorice
- I hate sour apples. So that, with the weird mix of licorice, made this another failed plate.
Flax-seed covered caramel
These caramels were actually tasty, but I don’t eat caramels because they stick to my numerous fillings to much. I mentioned the Chips Ahoys, right?
- I don’t drink wine but, for those of you that do, here are the pairings offered.
2009 DeLille Cellars Chaleur Sauvignon Blanc, Semillon – Columbia Valley
2009 L’Ecole Semillon - Columbia Valley
2010 Alexandria Nicole ‘Shepards Mark” Roussanne, Viognier, Marsanne – Columbia Valley
2007 Chehalem ‘Stoller Vineyards’ Pinot Noir – Willamette Valley
2010 Cascinetta Moscato D’Asti – Piemonte
As an alternative to the wine, a juice pairing was offered.
Since the only juice I could imagine liking was the apple juice, I declined the juice and asked for a diet Coke. I think they were a little surprised/offended. Oh well.
So all of this leads me to-
Would you eat any food placed in front of you?
A. Yes – You never know when you will like something.
B. No – Why put yourself through the misery.
C. Depends on what I get for eating it.